Increase your influencing abilities with your team, boss, friends, and spouse.
To have leadership influence – you cannot be a people pleaser – someone who says yes, even when they want to say no is known as a yes-man (or person). Everyone knows at least one yes-person, they are the one which is predicted to respond with “Yes, I can do that and that and that.” We love our yes-person until they either burn out or blow up.
I was a full-time people-pleaser. I said yes, even when my intuition told me otherwise. I said yes even when I didn’t know the details. I learned early on to please others first and ignore my needs. My childhood was chaotic. For my sensitive being to survive, I had to put others first.
Eventually, after two severe physical disorders, I discovered how to say no without explaining why and began my journey to freedom to be me.
The saddest effect of people-pleasing is that each time we say yes when we know, it is a “no” or “not now,” we lose a part of ourselves. Self-sacrificing causes disease and depression because we have ignored our own heart and inner intelligence.
Remember, we all face difficult times when we have to say no to people who don’t want to hear no.
It takes backbone to say no. Ask yourself honestly, what is the most loving thing I can do here? Then you’ll need to pull up the courage to speak your truth. With some people, it is best to take a more comfortable step by writing an email or send a text message.
To say no takes practice. As you know, some people are more accessible to communicate with than others. Practice on the easy ones, like people you who have been supportive in the past or when there’s not much at stake, like a retail transaction.
Find a way to bring humor into your conversation. Lighten up the atmosphere by poking fun at yourself or the situation. Be cautious not to make fun of other/s.
Finally, and most significant is to have a support system for yourself. When facing challenging situations at work, you may need an objective friend, colleague, therapist, support group, or a coach to empower you to put yourself before others.
Communicating with influence is a fine art. It is a skill, and it improves with practice. Find people in your life that also want to practice conscious, explicit, nonviolent communication.
Every time you say “no” to a person or situation, you are saying “yes” to you and what is the best alternative. When you are clear and committed to your priorities and values, you will find it is the confidence to communicate with influence.
Ready to upgrade your communication skills and confidence?
Nattalee is available for a private consultation, on-going coaching, workshops, and presentations on Aligning with your Design and applying this revolutionary science for personal and professional success.
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